I am a believer in letting myself feel what I feel without censoring it. Sometimes that means that I have to come face-to-face with feelings that I wish I didn’t have, but there you go. It really does seem that I have to go through all the feelings to come out the other side.
I am realizing that this can be painful, but necessary. There can be a small part of me that is jealous or vindictive, or some other emotion that I consider less than desirable, and I wish it weren’t true, but it is. And it seems that, for me anyway, until I can embrace the fact that these emotions are mine, I can’t get rid of them. But if I take them out into the light of day, I can examine them, come to grips with the fact that I actually do feel that way, and then be done with them.
So I continue to try to feel all my feelings – not just the ones that I approve of, but all of them. I also try not to judge them. They are all a part of me, and make me who I am. And who I am is just that – who I am. I am not without flaws. I am at a point in my life where I am tired of trying to look like my ducks are all in a row; I am lucky if my ducks are all in the same pond!
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